Two Things to Help You Cope When It's All Just Too Much

People are suffering.

Just in time for Mental Health Awareness Month, I am realizing every single person I have come into contact with is operating at half capacity, maximum. People are struggling. Therapists are burnt out, clients, family, friends, strangers, community members. I am seeing us collectively grind to a halt in so many ways. Numbness, anger, confusion, exhaustion, fatigue…sorrow, fear, despair…

Honor your burnout. It’s okay to feel the way you are feeling. Everyone is feeling this way. At least everyone I know. There are always a few outliers who are afraid to admit this, so they nail a smile on their face and insist they are okay and look baffled and confused when someone else admits to being done with everything.

Sometimes at the end of a session, I will ask my clients what their takeaway is for this week (some insight gained, a new challenge they want to take on, something they want to give thought to over the next 7 days, etc.). Lately, most people look wearily back up at me and say, “I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me?”. Because I have gotten this question so often this season, I decided to share my top 2 takeaways I have gotten myself:
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1. Do the bare minimum. You only have so many spoons left, so use them accordingly. Spend them on only those things that will give you the most rewarding return. For me, it’s knowing I will show up to all my appointments that day, but I will be dressed down and napping on my break instead of doing laundry or returning phone calls when I have a migraine attack and the meds just aren’t cutting it. I could call out sick, but I will feel better if I go to work and I will make sure I use my spoons for that, because work is what has given me the most rewarding return. For someone else, it might be canceling all plans, doing laundry, and running errands or napping. Listen to your inner voice and body. I swear they are brilliant and know so much more than we give them credit for.
   
   
2. Screw the gratitude list. We don’t have that kind of energy. Find something that doesn’t suck and just notice that. It’s okay if you don’t have the wherewithal to be grateful for anything right now. Just practice noticing the things that are still here. For me the other day, it was the azalea bush that had bloomed. Didn’t generate any warm and fuzzy feelings of bliss or gratitude, but it was okay. It was there. Just like last year. Also, there were fields of dandelions everywhere I looked. I always loved dandelions, they have been my favorite flower next to daffodils. So there was that. The purpose isn’t to cheer ourselves up in these moments. The goal is to just stay aware of what else is happening that is neutral or positive, but in those moments, sometimes the best we have is neutral. Just acknowledge and be aware of the rest of the world that continues to exist alongside our misery and despair. I am terrified and the dandelions are in bloom. I feel hopeless and the azaleas continue to return. Just stay in touch and stay grounded.

I haven’t the foggiest idea if this is helping anyone or not, but it’s helping me. Sitting here typing and listening to my sad songs playlist (because sometimes tears need some encouragement). Grief is a part of life. We don’t talk about it much, but it is a part of the process. Sometimes we sift through the ashes and rubble and find little glimmers of hope. I keep them, too. Like the recent Humans of New York story. Or lines from my favorite TV shows. Or my clients that show up every week, no matter how challenging and painful the work is that we are doing. They are amazing people.
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I hope you are feeling safe enough to let yourself grieve. Take time to notice the things that don’t suck amongst your tears. Honor your energy levels and adjust your plans to your needs accordingly.

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